“Picky, picky, picky,” many a parent, myself included, has muttered over the antics of a recalcitrant pint-sized diner. Of course, worrying about what children eat is nothing new.   But parental concern has reached a fever pitch in this age of hyperparenting, rising rates of childhood obesity and a tide of “kid-friendly” food products.   “The trend in recent years is that almost everybody has become more anxious about it,” says Ellyn Satter, a registered dietitian and family therapist and author of “Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family” (Kelcy Press, 2008).   I certainly have. With my first child, I thought I had it all figured out. She was a happy eater, devouring almost everything I cooked.   We took her to Thai, Mexican, Italian and sushi restaurants, burger joints and barbecue shacks. She loved it all. Now 6, she’s still up for at least one bite of anything.  

Not so with Daughter No. 2, who lived on bread, fruit and milk for an entire year. A third child has now joined us at the table. He has eaten everything from peas to pineapple and lasagna to lamb, but will his enthusiasm persist? What can I do if it doesn’t?   The uncomfortable answer: Nothing. Parents can cajole, demand and camouflage, but it’s hard to make a child eat something he doesn’t want to. Forcing the issue merely turns the dinner table into a battlefield. That’s not me talking. I’m broadly summarizing Satter’s approach to feeding children, something she calls the division of responsibility.   “The parent controls the what, when and where of feeding,” Satter says. “The child is responsible how much and whether to eat.” Her advice sounds simple, yet it’s hard to follow. Nothing is as disheartening as seeing tiny lips clamp shut against a lovingly prepared meal. It’s easy to give in and race back to the kitchen in search of something  anything  your child will eat. Or buy packaged toddler or kiddie foods with his favorite character on the box. Or stick to the universal children’s menu of burgers, grilled cheese and pizza.   These tactics achieve the ultimate goal: a full tummy. But none teaches your child about enjoying a variety of foods, says Nancy Tringali Piho, author of “My Two-Year-Old Eats Octopus” (Bull Publishing, 2009). “You want to expose kids to a lot of foods, a lot of flavors and a lot of textures early on as their tastes are beginning to develop,” Piho says.   What can parents do to get kids to eat? Nothing  The best way to do that, she says, is to serve children the same meal you make for yourself. They don’t need separate “kid-friendly” foods or snacks, many of which are inferior to the grown-up versions in both taste and nutrition. Parents are often surprised by the spices, cuisines or dishes  in the case of my oldest, barbecued eel  their kids take to.   It’s no surprise to chef Cecilia Green, who prepares two snacks and lunch daily for about 75 children at Christots Country Montessori Day School in Shawnee. On the day I visited, lunch included turkey-spinach casserole, tomato-and-cucumber salad, bananas and whole-wheat bread. The meal was served family-style, and the students (ages 2  1/2 to 6 years) dug in, several happily helping themselves to second servings.
Young children are notoriously finicky. Broccoli, salmon, beets — name a healthy food, and there’s a preschooler who won’t eat it. But many just as quickly rule out carrots, pot roast or scrambled eggs, or anything that’s not white or smothered in ketchup.